27 January, 2018
Hello all! Hope you are hanging in there well. I wish you are enjoying whatever little winter is left. If you often stop by here, then you know that how much I am inclined towards fashion but only a few people know the crazy art and stationery lover in me. There has never been a time when I left a stationery store empty-handed. A good stationery store is no less than a heaven for me. For years, I had run to art whenever things were not in place. To draw a world of my own, to start everything from the scratch on a white paper, to pour the sorrow of my heart and turning it into a blazing splash; indeed the best escape. For all I knew, it calmed my nerves, it distracted me and it kept me going. Where have I lost those wonderful days? To make everything right, a brush and a paper were enough and now I sit there with all the comfort around me yet still couldn’t make myself comfortable. Grabbing the untamed demons and abandoning them slowly has now become an impossible task. Why? Where all the motivation and zeal go? How couldn’t I hold onto it? With zillion questions in mind, I deep down knew that even if I want to paint again, I was afraid.
To handle the stress and pressure that goes into reciprocating what my mind says has not been easy. To not to paint like I used to, to not to produce something everybody goes gaga over, to not to be satisfied with my work has taken over my mind. All the things that used to make me happy during my childhood, has now become a race, a race that I don’t know about, a race that might never end, a race with my own demons but here I am still running. Turning joyous part of my days into things was not what I planned about. As we grow up, we don’t realize it but as soon as we spread our wings to fly, we make a silent commitment to not to stop. Responsibilities, paying my own bills, balancing between professional and personal life and endless deadlines, I lost a piece of heart in my childhood. We all have complications in our lives and instead of coping with it; I completely let it take over me. When I sat down, thinking about how to take the pictures of the notebook for The Souled Store, I realized the missing part that I have been forever trying to find.
“Be what you want to be before it’s too late, unless you want to be a ghost, in that case just wait”
The print evoked the child in me for whom not being able to blend two shades of crayon was a nightmare. What is the purpose of my existence, if I don’t create?
Working all my life, day and night just to afford a life of my own choice and then one fine day saying goodbye to this world. That’s not what the 10 year old Sayanti wanted. She wanted to create something remarkable! Beating behind our phones, thrusting our feeling into a deep dark well and adorning our demons to entertain the world just to fit in is a life called a lie. Sepulchres are occupied by the people who have a list of things they thought they’d do tomorrow. What is the point of it all, if we just pull our bodies off from our spirit slightly each day? For how long I am going to let the terror of failure, of breaking my own heart keep me away from the greatest pleasures of life?
Thank you The Souled Store for reminding me what I am here for, it’s not too late to start. Now each day and every day, I will love a little more, and create a better picture.
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